Safari Exteriors, Salivary Stones, and Other Stressors

Finally figured out why my blog is getting about twenty hits a day: SPAM.

And how did I figure it out? Because these comments keep appearing on my entry about apartment hunting:

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So at first I thought I had a bunch of Nosy Nancys on my FB friend list, but then I realized that somehow this particular blog entry got linked to somewhere weird. They can keep leaving these comments and I can keep marking them as spam; I care not. A hit's a hit. So keep 'em coming, spambots!

IN OTHER NEWS . . .

Our anniversary, Justin's visit, my trip home to W-B, and Stan's visits were all successful. They kind of went like this:

Wednesday, April 17: Twenty or so courses of wine, beer, and sake followed by a coffee.
Thursday, April 18: A glass of wine, a cocktail, and a coffee.
Wedneday, April 24: Red bull after lunch, giant bowl of Ramen soup for dinner.
Thursday, April 25: Two cocktails, and a coffee.
Friday, April 26: A can or two of soda and a glass or two of wine.
Saturday, April 27: An after-dinner coffee and a glass or two of wine.
Wednesday, May 1: A cocktail and an after-dinner coffee.
Thursday, May 2: Two cocktails and an after-dinner coffee.

Plus a cup of coffee each morning, sometimes one in the afternoon, a few more Red Bulls, a handful of diet sodas, and very, very, very little water following all that wine before bed. (There's a point to this tally, I promise.)

The morning of May 2, I thought the area around my left ear/jaw kind of hurt a bit. It felt a little swollen by the end of the day, and I feared that I was getting one of my beyond stellar ear infections. So I figured I'd give it the weekend and then call my doctor on Monday if it was still bugging me.

But then Friday, May 3, I woke up and my cheek felt like it was the size of a golf ball. Of course, it wasn't that bad. But it squared off my jawline Channing Tatum–style. And it hurt like HELL. I freaked out, naturally. (It was my FACE.) And called my doctor as soon as I got to the office.

Phone call?

(Give my name, my doctor's name, the receptionist asks what's wrong.)
Me: I woke up this morning and my face near my jaw and ear is really swollen and very tender.
Receptionist: Is there any swelling of your sinuses? Runny nose or sore throat? Congestion?
Me: No. No congestion at all. Just this swollen part of my cheek, kind of.
Receptionist: Hold on a second. (She puts the phone down.) She has congestion and swelling in her sinuses. (Picks the phone back up.) The doctor can see you at 1.
Me: Okay, but there's no congestion. My face is just swollen.
Receptionist: Okay, see you at 1.

Uh huh...

So at this point, my face hurts so bad that I can't even open it wide enough to put the spoon from my yogurt in. I try to eat one of those soft Nature Valley granola bars and can't even chew it. So, what do I fill up with? More coffee!

At 1, my doctor scares the shit out of me and says my ears are fine, my teeth look fine (wisdom teeth, a-okay), and my sinuses aren't clogged. She's absolutely stumped and runs out to call an ear, nose, and throat doctor to see if one can squeeze me in. Before I head to a specialist a few blocks away, she says it's nothing in my lymph nodes and assures me that it'll be fine.

But the entire time, I'm thinking... This is my FACE.

So after more paperwork and about a half hour of waiting in the ENT's office, he spends two minutes with me and tells me I have a salivary stone and the fluid leads him to believe that there's a back up of infected saliva in my face. (If you want to see gross, Google "salivary stone" and go to Images.) It's like a kidney stone, all calcified and shit, IN. MY. FACE.

He gives me an antibiotic (three pills, three times a day—no joke) and tells me to also take two Motrin when I take the antibiotics. So... That's fifteen pills a day.

He also tells me this happened because I was severely dehydrated. Gee, I wonder why... (See list above.) The stone could pass on its own, he says, but I need to stay as hydrated as possible.

I have never drank so much water, Gatorade, and Vitamin water in my life. But again. FACE. Not taking any chances.

So I went back for my follow-up today and even though there's a bit of pain, he thinks it passed on its own. Which is lucky. Because he said that to actually pull a stone out, he'd have to enlarge the salivary duct in my mouth and go in and yank it out. Like a loose tooth. Wonderful mental image, no? Don't quite believe me? Google.

I celebrated my recovery with a tall skinny vanilla latte. And immediately followed it with not one, but two, cups of water. I'd like to say I learned my lesson, and I hope that I'll remember to suck down some water after my bedtime glass of wine on the weekends. We'll see, though.

DESPITE ALL THIS DRAMA . . .

5K training continues! I made it through Week 3 with little difficulty (minus the one day the treadmill shut off on me mid-stride and I had to try to figure out how to finish the program) and even spent two nights in the park with Matt, walking/jogging around the reservoir, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

But Week 4 started out as impressive and became disappointing all within twenty minutes. I've never before in my entire life jogged five full minutes without stopping, but I did it on Sunday! But then, when it came time to run the second leg of the program, I just couldn't do it. Maybe it was my sweaty bangs in my eyes, or maybe it was the jelly beans bouncing around in my stomach that I ate as I ran out the door to head to the gym, but I just couldn't do it. And I was so pissed.

But after a little chat with Michele and others, I'm ready to give it another shot tomorrow. And Wednesday and Thursday with Matt, too. I'll get through Week 4 eventually, even if it takes me a week or two to do it.

And I'll drink lots of water before and after my workouts, too. Can't risk any more swollen salivary glands. That shit hurts.