Make new friends, but keep the old...

Yeah, yeah... One is silver, the other's gold. Ugh, I hated Girl Scouts. But, it's a good title.

TONIGHT'S TOPIC IS FRIENDSHIP. Something everyone wants and needs, regardless of whether they wish to admit it. I was one of those poor saps who used to think all I needed in life was my boyfriend. Well, when I fell off that high horse, it hurt like hell. Apparently, though, I'm not the only person (or should I say, female) who has ever thought this way.

I'm currently reading a hilarious memoir titled MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend and it's really enlightening. Apparently, there are four types of friends: the acquaintance, the casual friend, the close buddy, and the lifer. According to the author's research, every woman should have 3 to 5 lifers, 5 to 12 close friends, 10 to 50 casuals, and 10 to 100 acquaintances. The author also discusses one study that stated women with several close friends live longer and have stronger memory recall past 80 than those who are not social. I want to live longer and I want to remember the names and faces of everyone I love, so... it only makes sense to do what I can to make sure I make friends in NYC.

One of the things I promised myself when Matt and I got back together was that I would never again let myself be without friends. When we broke up, I realized that I had put 100% of my efforts into our relationship. Everything was about making time to spend with him or work on "us." I pushed nearly everyone else away without meaning to—and I truly regret doing so. This was a habit I started in college when I decided to spend as little time on campus as I could in an effort to always be available when he was. I declined invitations to hang out on weekends, I avoided computer labs and the Sub, and I was only really a member of one campus organization. I never made an effort to befriend the people who sat next to me in class, mostly because I didn't think I'd need them. At that point, I figured I was set for life. We planned on moving out of W-B as soon as I graduated, so why waste my time making friends I would only leave behind? Looking back, that was so dumb.

AFTER THE BREAK UP, I could text or call a few people for comfort, but nearly all my friends had left the area. There were a few who stuck around, though. They let me cry on their shoulders (literally) and they spent entire nights on my couch, at the bar, or on my porch, listening to me whine about how miserable I was. I could tell a few months in that the conversation was getting old. No one wanted to hear about how sad I was, and no one wanted to listen to me lie about how I was getting over him. So I tried to stop talking about it altogether. Soon enough, things got better regarding all relationships in my life—from romantic to familial and even friendships. As a result of the break up, I was able to breathe life into a few old friendships that I'd almost let slip away. I was also able to make a few new friends, too. And then, after accomplishing all this, I left home.

Of course, I've offered my second bedroom to anyone who wants to come visit me while I'm out here. Former coworkers, family, friends from school... But I don't expect someone new to come out every single weekend. Due to Matt's work schedule, I'm going to be alone quite a bit. I'm going to have a ton of freelance to do (I hope), but I don't necessarily want to work my life away. I want to be able to meet people for lunch or go shopping with other girls. I want to go see a movie or go for drinks. Matt and I agreed that even though we'd have our own friends, we'd make more of an effort to bring our groups together. Before we do that kind of stuff, however, we're going to need some friends.

I have never been an extremely social person. Large groups of unfamiliar people used to make me very uncomfortable, even if I was with someone I knew well. As a child, I tended to hover near my parents instead of running around with other kids my age. I was more interested in the conversations at the adult table than I ever was making a fort under the kids' table. People used to tell me I was mature for my age. Thinking back on it now, I think I was just scared of rejection or unfair judgment.

THIS FEAR of being picked on or made fun of in high school and even college often kept me from being "fun." I didn't want to go to a club and dance because I was afraid people were going to make fun of my dancing. I didn't want to play games that required too much movement (Twister, Green Ghost, anything on the Kinect...) because I was afraid people were going to think I was uncoordinated or out of shape. I didn't want to meet new people because I didn't think I had anything interesting enough to say to keep the conversation going. Fun, to me, was sitting at Barnes & Noble with a coffee and a stack of books with a friend or two until the store closed. It was sitting in Sheetz's parking lot, people watching. It was going for dinner and staying at the table for two or three hours after we'd finished eating and drinking. It was sitting in my living room at my parents' house, watching a Lifetime movie and making fun of it with my mom.

There's a lyric in my one of my favorite Bayside songs that always makes me think of the way I was living my life then... and the way I want to live it now.

I've never lived and died by ecstasy.

Fun's never been my cup of tea.

But now I try,

but now I try,

but now I try to be

the best I can for no one else but me.

I played this song ("The New Flesh") over and over again when I drove to State College last summer, never relating to a song as much as this one. Every word reminded me of what I was going through and gave me a bit of hope for the future. I wanted to have fun—not necessary fall-on-my-ass drunk and careless fun, but just... fun. I wanted to have hundreds of pictures on Facebook that showed me having a good time with friends. I wanted to be able to tell stories of travels and experiences. For the first time since I was 17 years old, I realized that I wanted a social life.

So I tried to say yes to everything, despite the moods I was in. Most of the plans involved drinking heavily (because, honestly, what else is there to do in W-B?), but at least I was out and about. I met some new people and I crammed all the drinking I didn't do in high school and college into about six weeks between November 2011 and January 2012. By the time my birthday rolled around in February, I was over it. All of it. My focus shifted back to lunches, movies, and shopping with friends and family on the weekends. Sometimes, a few of us would even get together to play video games and we'd sit around and talk into the wee hours of the morning. No matter how hard I tried to be a "party girl," for lack of better words, I realized I didn't have it in me. I'd much rather sit on the porch or the couch all night with a Diet Coke and a close friend than have to deal with crowds, drunk sluts, and the stress of finding a ride home.

NOW I'M IN MANHATTAN, pretty much alone save for a friend from college, and it's time to find people who want to sit with me on my couch, so to speak. I'm trying very hard to make friends with the other interns at work, and I think I may just be succeeding. I g-chat all day with another intern and we've gone to lunch together a few times. We're able to keep a steady conversation going, and that's pretty good. We've made plans to go out and get a few drinks once my move is over.

I'm also making headway with a few of the others. I organized an intern lunch yesterday and five of us ended up with a pretty generous amount of Chinese food ($5 lunchboxes at BOBA on 34th!) and a few good laughs. Then this morning, another intern messaged me and asked me to go for drinks with her and one of the assistants after work. By the end of the day, we'd invited the others. Seven of us ended up at a bar around the corner and we had an amazing time. Everyone talked, everyone laughed, everyone was pretty tipsy, as far as I could tell, which made things easier, I think. It was nice and almost effortless. Everyone seems up for doing it again, as well. I know being friends with coworkers doesn't always turn out for the best—especially interns, whose turnover is pretty high—but it's a good place to start. If I make a few friends who keep in touch once we go our separate ways, I'll be happy. And if they don't, then at least we had fun for a while.

I'm really proud of myself for the progress I've made so far. I've been at my company for two weeks now and I feel like I'm really fitting in. I'm open to new ideas, I do what's asked of me, I'm getting along with everyone around me. Even if I don't stay there long, I think I'll definitely leave with a few good memories. And hopefully a few friends.