I hope these nights make up for lost time.

When I got home from work tonight, I glanced at my running shoes and was suddenly struck with a realization: as of Monday, May 12, I will have a running partner. Someone to eat dinner with every day. Someone to watch movies with late into the night on weekends. A plus-one to work happy hours and housewarming parties. Someone to take mini road trips with and to visit Wilkes-Barre with.

And his name is Matthew! =D =D =D

An opportunity has presented itself that will allow him to work during the day, Monday through Friday (still cooking!). This will mean he can go home and see his family more... and see me more! And I'm a fan of all of this, of course. It's not a permanent thing, and we both know it, but we do plan on taking advantage of the time we're going to get to spend together as much as possible.

It's going to be SO weird to be a nine-to-five couple for a few months. I can't even really wrap my head around what this will mean or how we'll go about getting used to having each other around. He's gaining free time; I'm losing alone time. And it's... odd.

The first six or so years of our relationship, all I wanted was to be around him constantly. I wanted every second of our spare time to be spent together. I wanted to go everywhere together, I wanted to share friends, I wanted to just strap myself to his side and never leave him. Alone was never a state I wanted to visit.

And then I was alone. All the time. And it was horrible. But after I moved out and really found myself and my independence (as cheesy as that sounds), being alone wasn't so bad. I realized how much I could do for myself with all that time and I made a lot of improvements to myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. (An agent I met with for drinks recently told me I had an extremely positive outlook on things; no one would've said that three years ago.)

Then we moved out of state, and our opposite schedules allowed time together and time apart. And we fell into that lifestyle: him constantly working outside the apartment, me half in and half out (though, 85 percent of the time, also working). I've grown so used to my nights alone; I know when my "shows" are on, I can come home and nap and then wake up and get to work, and I can spend my time with whomever I want without worrying about him being here by himself or plans we made or anything like that.

It's going to be so weird to see him sitting here, watching television or playing video games, while I work a few hours each night. It's going to be even weirder to be in his presence on the weekends, from morning to night. He's going to have to get used to my attachment to my laptop, reruns of Castle and Modern Family, and my tendency to fall asleep sitting up. And I think I'm going to have to learn to tune out South Park, Spongebob, and Adventure Time, in addition to a mixture of shooting games and all of his other... noises. (If you know Matt, you know what I mean.)

We've already agreed that just because we're going to have all this time together now, doesn't mean we have to spend it all together. I'm going to keep up with my networking (I've gone to two events in the past month and met a lot of great people, and I'd love to keep making those connections), my freelancing, my overtime, and spending time with my friends on the weekends and after work. I'm going to continue to go to the gym with Andrew (in addition to trying to start a workout routine with Matt) and I hope our typical Saturday nights at B&N don't become too few and far between.

But now Matt actually gets to come to some of these things. He can join the gym if he wants, he can browse B&N while Andrew and I gossip, he can join happy hours and dinners and whatever he wants. Or he can sit home and relax. His schedule is still going to be difficult, so it'll take some getting used to, and I think a lot of the first couple weeks are going to be spent with my working and him sleeping. But that's okay. Just the fact that these possibilities exist is blowing my mind.

There are so many things we haven't done that the average nine-to-five couple could do whenever they want. We want to clean out the fridge and reorganize the kitchen. We want to spend a day at the laundromat and get our winter blankets nice and clean so we can put them away. We've lived in New York City almost two full years now and we've been to Battery Park once, never seen the Statue of Liberty up close, and have never gone to a museum (though that's not on the top of my list). We want to go to flea markets and farmers' markets and make tons and tons of food. We want to find live music and go to as many shows as possible. And in the coming months, we're finally going to have the time to do so!

My friends (from home and here) have done a great job keeping me company over the last several years, and I can't be more appreciative of the efforts they've made to be my dates to awkward dinners, let me be the third wheel for Super Bowl parties, and celebrate my birthdays and anniversaries with me so I wasn't alone, stuffing my face with frozen pizza and instant pudding. I don't want to abandon them just because I'm going to have a "real" boyfriend again. I'm going to make a better effort going forward than I did in high school and college. I know some pretty kick-ass ladies (and one particular gentleman) these days and I would like to keep them close.

So yeah... tonight when I got home, I realized this would be my last weekend alone for a little while. So I said eff the gym and the low-carb diet we've been on for the past few months and I ordered a pint of lo mien and some dumplings. I put my pajama pants on, spread my work out in front of me, and chowed down. I cleaned a bit (we had like, fifty pieces of silverware in the sink), but I mostly spent the night with Claire, Phil, Mitch, and the gang and my computer. Which is totally fine. (I'm actually proud of myself for staying awake all night!)

So, after Sunday night, I will no longer be living the life of a relatively single lady. Guess it's time to break up with all those boyfriends I've accumulated... Bye, Phil!

In other news...
(How can there even be other news? Everything above is the only the best news ever.)

I have decided/discovered (not sure which word is quite right) that I don't really want to be a runner. I haven't really been running at all lately (see: busy, lazy, tired, weather sucks, good at finding excuses) and I can't say that I really miss it. I'm not, nor was I ever really, determined to run an extremely far distance. I mean, it'd be cool to say, "Oh, I ran eight miles this morning," like it's no big deal but... I can barely run one mile right now so. Yeah.

What I really want to do is just lose weight and get in shape. I'll keep running as part of the fitness plan, and I've already promised a 5k to the ladies at work in July (though it's more a social event than a real run) and an 8k sometime next year (we'll see about that one), but I've found that, among my life goals, running a 10k or a half marathon (and certainly not a marathon), is just not something I ever need to cross off my bucket list. I want to publish a novel, I want to have a successful career, I want to have tons of babies (or maybe just three or four), I want to be in love forever (or at least most of the time), and I want to live a long, healthy life.

I'm not a runner, and I would not define myself as one. Running can, as I said, be part of my fitness plan, but, at the end of the day, it's not going to kill me if I don't run long distances or have best times or achieve a better pace or any of that. I'm not putting the activity down; I've just figured out that it's not something that I need to do.

However, again, as I've said (I'm getting tired and repetitive), now that I actually have a running partner, I'll keep at it. But I'm not going to get mad at myself if I can't go farther or faster on any given day. Which will take an enormous amount of stress off me and possibly even make the activity more enjoyable.

So, I'm going to stop talking about it. Which should make everyone else happy. Instead, you can suffer the wrath of my low-carb chatter, rants about how much I work, and all the talk that will be coming that will start with "Matt and I," "Me and Matt," and "We."

I think that's it for tonight. There was other stuff I wanted to post about but I've already been at this an hour and it's suddenly 1:30 and Matt's on his way home! Two more shifts and he's moving on.

Oh, sorry.

Two more shifts and we're moving on.

Hehehe

______________

Side note:
Extremely surprised that this blog has been viewed almost 2,400 times. I guess that's not really a huge number for a normal blog, but considering I only update once every other month... I'm impressed. And you're curious. ;) And about 500 of those are probably me anyway.

All Work and No Play Makes Nicole a Dull Girl

Disappeared for a little while; my bad. Been busy... so busy...

The last post was all about what I wanted to do in the new year. Well, the new year is one-quarter of the way over (already!!) and I haven't made any progress toward those goals. I'm sleeping less instead of more, I haven't worked on Book #2 at all, and I can't shut up about work (foreshadowing the rest of this post, btw).

In addition, I'm running less than I should be (which I'd like to blame on the weather as much as possible), I haven't been any more social than I was, and unless my money has been saving itself, that's not happening either.

So what has been going on?

Honestly, nothing.

Well, okay, not nothing, really. We switched our living room and bedroom around and now we have room to actually have people over and stay over (once we get an air mattress)! But... we don't really have time to have people over so... oops. Looks nice, though. (This is a sad update.)

Last month I ran another 5k (don't ask me my time) and Michele visited and that was a nice break. We got manicures and massages and ate until we wanted to die. It was a good time. My parents visited at the end of the month too and that was much needed. I've been a bit homesick and sometimes it's really nice when bits and pieces of home come to you, especially when you can't afford to go home yourself.

Our book came out! We want to take a corny picture of us holding it but we just haven't had the time. But you can buy it here or enter to win a copy here if you're at all interested.

Oh, and then there was that pesky mouse... which I hope is gone for good. But his presence did start a discussion about whether we want to get a cat. Named Reptar. I kid you not.

Other than those few things, March was a miserable, miserable, miserable month. (Here's the work chatter I promised. Ask me what I'm working on; we'll talk all day.) Half of it I spent fretting about sales conference—which was at the end of the month and at which I presented fifteen of my upcoming books—and it turned out to be not such a big deal. The first time I spoke at a conference, I was shaky and sweaty and terrified. This time, I went through all that nonsense a few days earlier and by the time the conference came around, I was either over it or too exhausted to care to be nervous.

I'm so tired. I need a vacation. But Matt has no vacation days, and why take a vacation when you can't spend it with the people you want to see the most?

I'm working my figurative balls off, day and night, most weekends, and now and then I come up for air to make a quick trip to the gym, Barnes & Noble, or Starbucks. Just last night, I worked until about 11, showered and watched an episode of American Pickers, and then Matt came home and I got in bed with my Kindle... and proceeded to read a submission I was reviewing until I fell asleep... with my Kindle in hand.

I have allowed my job to take over my life, and I'm not exactly thrilled about it. And I don't know how to get away from it. Although, I'm not sure if I want to? Or should? I can imagine it's not a good thing; however, if I hated my job, then I think I'd have a bigger problem. But I don't hate it; I enjoy a lot of what I do so work isn't always work, if that makes sense.

In fact, really great things keep happening at work that make it almost worth all the... work. For instance, I recently completed my very first two-book deal for the beginning books in a YA fantasy series. That's pretty freakin' awesome. And a book I acquired and will be out this August has sold Chinese, Spanish, and German translation rights. That's huge! For me, anyway. I don't really know how this type of stuff ranks with other people in the office (or people in general), but I'm happy with it.

So it's kind of like I'm stuck in this cycle: I whine and bitch and moan, but I keep doing it because it makes me happy. And then I whine some more. And then I drink a lot of wine. And then I'm happy. And then back to work... And then I nap. And then I wake up and panic and get back to work.

I think one of my problems is that I can't sit still; I can't... relax. I've been this way since I was sixteen. When I was no longer allowed to play sports, I got a job. And then I worked twenty or thirty hours a week in my junior and senior years of high school. And then in college I had three jobs. Plus I did some projects for the LOC on the side. And then at my first full-time job, I got freelance work from that job and other companies. And now I'm out here and there's so much to see and do and... I sit at home all night and work. Saturdays and Sundays, too. Most of the time it's unpaid.

It's like I can't shut it off.

I haven't been bored in years.

But I am exhausted.

However, I don't want to be forced out and about. I don't want anyone to try to make me feel bad or guilty about what I'm doing with my nights, weekends, etc. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tries to get me to do something I don't want to do/don't have time for after I've already said no. Don't pressure me, or I'll never go anywhere with you again!

When it's time to take a break, I'll take it. But until then, let me be. And I'll eventually come back to reality and get back to living my life for something more than books and authors. I hope.

(This was an awkward entry. Apologies.)

April should be better, though. Despite a few doctor's appointments, this month I will be attending a Bayside show (!!!!!!!), getting a sixty-minute massage (booked it!), and celebrating nine years with Matt. Could be a good month. Should be a good month. Hopefully will be a good month.

Win a copy of my book!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Little Red Book of Kitchen Wisdom

by Nicole Frail

Giveaway ends May 02, 2014.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

That Typical Blog Post at the Beginning of the Year Where I List My Resolutions (Seriously, that's what this is.)

Eatin' some pretzels... watching the game (Go Packers!)... all alone for the first Sunday in months.

Matt's new schedule started with the new year, and neither of us are pleased. We've done it before—made the relationship work on less than twelve hours together a week—but I guess we thought we'd have a bit more time before we had to do it again. It'll take a little while to get used to, and I'm determined to make the best of it.

I haven't had this much time to myself in a long time. Sure, I have practically every weeknight, but having Saturday and Sunday this week allowed me to split my work and not kill myself to finish it all on Saturday. I was able to get to the gym both days and was even able to cook myself "real" dinners (followed recipes and everything!) both days, which never happens. If I can keep this up, it'll be easier to hit a few of my goals for the year.

Speaking of, I've had a few days to think about this, and "resolutions" include...

1. Run a 10k — I did the 5k last year, so I'd really like to double that distance. The only way to do that is to run consistently, regardless of weather. Luckily, the gym's only four blocks away and open late, so I can do something while I wait for the weather to warm up a bit. I was gifted a lot of gear for winter running for Christmas, so I do plan to put that to use—once it gets a bit above freezing and I don't need to worry about breaking my ankle on slush, ice, snow, etc. And, it goes without saying, that hopefully I can get in shape/lose more weight while pursuing this goal.

2. Work on Book #2 early and often — My biggest fear for anything with a deadline is that the deadline itself will sneak up on me. I want to avoid that, since this book requires way more writing and research than the first one I did with Matt. So I want to devote some time every Saturday for the next few months to this project, that way I can avoid panic mode altogether. I'm admittedly a procrastinator, and I'd like to break free from that label so I don't stress myself out and become a giant b-word come the fall.

3. Be a bit more social — I'm aware that my tendency to turn down weekend plans makes me come off a little bit antisocial. Which... I'd argue is not a good descriptor of me in recent years; I'll go to lunch or with coffee with most people any day. But when it's cold and dark, and when I have limited funds available, the only thing I want to do after work is go home and take a nap and relax. It's not because I don't want to spend time with those who ask; I just really like my Friday nights on my couch, with my blanket and a book, tea, or a movie. And I especially like to be home when Matt gets out of work, since we don't get to talk or see each other all day. But anyway—I want to try to to say no a little less this year. Saying yes, however, will depend on how much work I have to do that weekend and how much money is in my pocket...

4. Save money — This was impossible last year because we moved in February. The move, realtor fees, first/last month rent, security deposit, etc. all really took its toll on our accounts. This year, we're staying put. We're in this apartment until at least February 2015, so it's time to settle down and save a bit. As of today, I have three savings plans designed and so far, so good. We'll see if I can keep them up. Fingers crossed, because we really want to take a vacation!

5. Complete a first draft of FBNG — Even if it needs ten thousand rounds of revisions afterward, I really want to use this year to finish a full draft of the book I started for NaNoWriMo. I tend to not finish things that I start for myself—if there's no due date on it or it's not owned by a company, etc., I tend to just let it ride and eventually forget about it. I think, with Constance and Matt's encouragement, I should be able to at least glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel.

6. Stop talking about work so much — Unless specifically asked, I'd like to stop focusing on work outside of work as often as I do. I put in at least ten to twelve hours of unpaid overtime every single weekend; I constantly worry about deadlines; I can't fall asleep at night without thinking about what I need to do the next day. I need to try to separate work from my personal life a bit more. And the best way to start that, I think, is to talk less about work and more about... anything else. Sports, movies, music, books (that I'm not working on), the weather. Anything. I think talking about work less will help me think about it less which should lead to less stress and tension and, hopefully, fewer headaches.


Other things Matt and I want to do in 2014 include:

• Make an effort to go home more often (or convince our friends/family to come see us!!)
• Take a week-long vacation (even if it's only a stay-cation)
• Clean more (see also: stop making so many piles!!)
• Eat at new places (we've developed some favorites; it's time to branch out)
• Get healthy!
• Sleep more! (at normal hours, not nap times)

Dinner's almost ready (I used the crockpot Mom bought us for Christmas!) so I'm going to tend to that, finish watching the game, and, unfortunately, get to work. It's been an interesting Sunday, and I feel productive, so although it's been a little lonely, I can at least feel like the day hasn't been a waste. And I'll work really hard to make sure the upcoming Sundays are also not spent in a funk.

Happy new year! Good luck with your own resolutions!