I am not a hooker.

Last Tuesday, after the "book launch" (I use that term loosely...), I exited the subway stop near my apartment and less than a minute later I was accused of not being interested in some random stranger because he was black. I was minding my business as he and another girl (who he was trying to pick up, I assume) walked up the hill toward me. He said something to her like, "All girls with boyfriends constantly smile." And I didn't hear her response. Then as I pass by, he says to me, "How 'bout you? You're not smiling." And I ignored him, didn't make eye contact, and kept walking. So he turns around and goes, "Oh, I get it. It's 'cause I'm black!" Like... really? It's not because you're a large, strange man walking toward me in the dark? I don't care what fucking color you are—I'm not going to talk to you if you're obnoxious! Especially if 1) you're bigger than me and 2) I'm all alone.

Up until that point, I was feeling pretty good about myself that day. My hair stayed nice (read also: not frizzy!) all day and I felt really put together. I had had a great night out with my friends from work and I was basically on the top of the world. And then he made me feel like shit.

That's how I constantly feel when men mutter things to me out here. And I swear it only happens in my neighborhood. No one gives a shit who walks by them downtown or on the subway platform. But the minute I exit the subway and walk the less than a half a block to my apartment, I feel eyes on me. Old men are seated along the sidewalks, either hanging out at their cars (so they don't get parking tickets) or perched in beach chairs. (I've actually seen a few seated in beach chairs with their legs propped up on the seats of their cars.) Younger guys and teenagers ride their bikes and what not up and down the hill in large groups. Even the Dominos guys are getting creepy. On the way to the gym today, one of them gave me a "Hey, sweetie..." and then said who knows what and I just kept going.

I even had a guy literally try to pick me up on Monday on the way home from the gym. I was standing at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change, and a silver sports car came around the corner, flashed his lights at me, and pulled over! I looked around me and I was the only one at the corner, so it's not like he was flashing at anyone else. When he pulled over, he honked, but I ignored him, and then he got pissy and sped away. I don't know what he looked like, but I was red-faced and dripping in sweat and my hair was probably wild. I didn't look like a hooker, and I certainly didn't look sexy. But no one else was around, and no one came running over to the car. So I can't come up with any other explanations for this man's behavior. I might be struggling to find extra freelance work, but I'm not that desperate.

What boggles my mind is that I think I'm just getting comments because I'm female. It's definitely not because I'm hot (Unless everyone out here likes their girls chubby? Which... now that I think about... might be the case lol.) and it's definitely not because I look like I want that kind of attention. Sometimes (like today, on the way to the gym), I'm not even all dressed up. I went out the one day in sweatpants and a t-shirt and someone at the grocery store said something to me. I guess that's just... the culture of the area? Either way, it's rude. And I know a ton of girls who would be so flattered and think they were getting hit on and what not. But, no. I don't like it.

In an effort to cut down on these uncomfortable moments, I've decided not to get all dressed up unless I know I'll be walking home with Matt or Andrew. If I'm with a guy, no one even looks my way. Matt, by the way, seems to think it's hilarious. He laughs when I tell him these stories. I'm sure if something actually happened, he'd be concerned, but right now apparently my discomfort is just another source of amusement for him. And that's fine... I mean, overall, I feel safe in this area. I think there are too many people around at all hours of the day for anything to really happen...

There was one time, though, that I think I came close to being robbed. A teen with big, puffy hair sticking out of his baseball hat came rolling down the hill and slowed down right next to me. He basically walked his bike down the hill alongside me (like, he was still seated on it, but he was walking instead of pedaling) and then yelled out to a few of his friends (in Spanish, of course). And then suddenly I was surrounded by teenage boys. Luckily, I was right outside of the entrance to my building at that point. But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I was absolutely terrified. In my mind, I was already thinking of which credit cards I had in my wristlet so I could cancel them the second I got inside.

Other than that, I haven't felt like anyone was going to snatch anything from me. And I'm pretty sure most of the men on the street are harmless. They make more comments than I know of (because 90 percent of them are in another language), but they're just comments, I guess. I'll get used to it, eventually, maybe... It just kind of sucks that I have to just accept that it's happening. They can't be the ones to just stop being pigs. I just have to let them be pigs and move on with my life. Of course this happened in W-B once in a while, but it's way more frequent out here. And I do not like it.